Help Me Fly Away
by Zack Winters
Summary: After his love died on that cliff top,Cloud swore he'd come back for him,never letting go of those feelings for him. After these thoughts take its toll on a the young boy he desperately fights to bring him back. Yaoi, sad memories and a evil sinister plot
1. Dreamt Another Painful Dream Eh?

**Hey! Guess who? I'm deeply sorry I haven't updated many of my fanfics recently I have been very busy with personal issues at the moment and the care of my boyfriend matters more than writing fan fictions. Anyways I'm going to toss this idea out and see what people think of it. This story focuses on Clouds mental state and his relationship with his dead lover and the people around him and even relating to his sad childhood. Please read and if you do, review as well, I get alot of joy in hearing what you think of my work but I hate it when people list it as a favourite story without ever reviewing! I don't own final fantasy 7, square enix does as usual. Hope you like it and please give me any feed back and say if you want me to carry on with this story or not. Enjoy my fellow readers **

Help Me Fly Away

Chapter I

Dreamt Another Painful Dream Eh?

The both of us are lying in his comfortable bed in his upscale SOLDIER apartment. His strong reassuring arms were gently wrapping themselves around my scrawny waist as he had realised I was drifting awake from my wonderful night's sleep next to him. He ran his sword calloused fingers through my soft, fluffy hair and stroked a large light blonde bang away from my face. He then proceeded to twiddle it lightly beneath his finger tips. A soft low purr escaped my pinkish lips as his other hand stroked the left side of my silky cheek which was no blush because of his loving touch.

He whispered good morning to me, asked me if I have had a good night's sleep or not and told me I was his beautiful little lover.

Lover. I liked that word alot coming from him.

I know I meant alot to him, and when he told me I was the sole reason he smiled the way he did every second well, that made me feel special. After the mission in Junon I told him I had feelings for him and he's done nothing but return those feelings in confined into him. I was so nervous before I told him that night but I'm glad I did it because now I get to wake up to that face of his every single morning that I can.

He moved his hand away from my face for a moment to lift up the covers and sleepily get out of bed. As he slowly stood up I just had to turn my head to get even just a tiny glimpse of his naked, perfectly toned body. My god I loved that body.

We always used to sleep naked together, he told me; "Don't worry baby, there's nothing to be ashamed of it just makes everything seem that little bit more special with you and thats what I want the most."

In all honesty he was completely right. It made just the simple night's sleep seem more intimate and more personal. He noticed me mindlessly staring at his beautiful masculine figure and he chuckled slightly. He lent down towards me and huskily 'ordered me as my commanding officer' to accompany him in the shower in five minutes. He then started to rise back up and walk away.

"No. Never walk away from me, that's when it all ends! COME BACK!"

As he moved through the bathroom door everything started to fade and my dead lovers figure escaped from my sight. I whimpered a little as he closed the bathroom door, waking me up from my slumber.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

_Please baby, take me away from all of this pain, lend me your white wings so I can fly for a change, and be like we used to, so happy in the hand of the other except now when I think of it I can't help but shudder. Why did you have to go they should have took me instead, but I was cradled underneath a rock like a baby in his bed. So helpless watching you suffer all that hurt back then, but its different now though I still need your help to survive in this god forsaken city. Every day the thought of seeing you drives me back towards that cliff top but for a different reason than mourning though._

_I want to jump and be done with all of this pain you left behind. I want to see that face again._

**xxxxxxxxxx**

I awoke as I always did from these perfect but somehow tortuous dreams - sweating and breathing heavily. With my trembling hand I reached towards the washcloth that lay among the other junk I had on top of my dresser. I slapped the cloth against my moist face and realised something, no more like someone, was lying next to me. I'd totally forgotten about Tifa.

I had met her a while ago back whilst growing up in the small village of Nibelheim, just a little snow covered settlement in the frost encased mountains, you know, nothing special. The snow always used to bother me since it was too cold for my liking. Well there was one thing I liked about it but that's a little memory to remember later, I _have_ to get these thoughts of him out of my head.

He's gone.

He's not going to come back, never.

But it's okay, I have Tifa now.

Although she was never the slightest bit like you were.

She stirred slightly in her sleep whilst I got up from the bed lazily. I stared back at her, my cloudy, blue mist encased eyes gazing upon and her hoping she wouldn't wake up. I trod among the many papers that I had probably knocked of my dresser whilst stirring in my sleep and heard some subtle movement underneath the covers. Shit she's waking up.

I could only scramble into the small bathroom which was only just a mere glance away. I shut the door behind me quickly just praying that Tifa wouldn't find me in this pathetic state I was getting into as I sat down beneath the metal sink. Tucking my legs into my chest and cradling them into place I turned with my back facing the greyly dull door.

I could swear I heard footsteps approaching me, and my guess was confirmed when a pale face hidden behind long locks of brown flowing hair opened the door. I quickly turned my back to her, wishing she wasn't there and looking at me whilst I was acting so pathetic.

When she saw me huddled against the sink near the grimy radiator she let out a small sigh and swept to the side of me. She moved so of the long hair in front of her brown eyes and laid her head against my shoulder.

"Another bad dream Cloud?" She asked, trying to mask the increasing amount of concern she was feeling. She knew I wouldn't answer her and she knew what the answer was going to be anyway, but it was just better to even hear her worrying about me, she probably thought it made me think that she cared. But no, she didn't care even the slightest bit.

Only one person cared for me, but he's gone now.

Maybe Tifa did care, but from here on out it was probably just 'I'll take care of him to shut him up and let him do the work so I can get some more money'. I think, no, I _know_ that she thinks that! I don't even need caring for I'm not some little boy who needs to be kissed better every time he hurts himself and cries!

So for about half an hour Tifa had fell asleep on my shoulder, thankfully she hadn't noticed the small tear that had attached itself to my cheek from the angle she was at. I didn't move in that long space of time, just though I would sit there and think things over. Besides, if I moved Tifa would wake up and she would become irritable problem again.

Eventually I decided to move, gently picking up Tifa between my pale arms. Quietly opening the door, I plodded towards the bed we shared and lay her on top of it after pulling up the covers. Slowly tucking her in, I just realised how thinner she was getting, sure she was already thin but this was a bit over board. Maybe it was the stress of keeping hold of a household without my support. Even I knew Denzel and Marlene were a hand full sometimes.

So here I am, woken up in the middle of the night _again_ and I know I won't be able to drift of back into my unsettling sleep. I'd love to sleep long enough to finish at least a short dream about him; it's just not fair sometimes.

I could only grumble out one sentence sleepily, "I need some air."

Just as I was about to walk out the door, happy as ever that yet again my sleep deprivation kicked in, Tifa restlessly rolled around in the bed. Was she going to wake up?

"...Cloud..?" She asked, voice desperately trying to hide her worried concern.

"Don't worry Tiff, I'm just going outside to catch at little air that is all. Sorry if I woke you." I apologized, bowing my head to lock my gaze with the wooden floor. Although I didn't lower my head in shame, but I didn't want her to look at me right now.

"Honey, why did you run into the bathroom?"

I winced _very _unsubtly why she said that word.

_Only he can call me that word. Don't ever call me that again_.

I continued to look down at the floor as my brunette, childhood friend let out a small sigh of worry. I moved my gaze upwards so I could just see what she was doing. She lifted up part of the covers and patted the mattress, signalling me to climb back into the warmth of the bed.

"Talk to me Cloud."

I just shook my head, and slowly began to walk out before another sound escaped her lips, although this time she sounded more pleading then before. I turned around after she had signalled my attention with a simple "Cloud, please honey just go back to sleep trust me if you climb back into bed you'll fall sound asleep."

That name again.

"Don't ever call me that Tifa, my name is Cloud. Not honey or sweetie okay?" I demanded, not realising my voice was raised by a significant volume when I spat those bitter words at her, knowing that I'd hurt her slightly.

"Oh and is that because _he _called you that and because of this I have no right to? He's gone Cloud and you seriously think that he's going to come back to you? You know how pathetic it is that after nearly three years you haven't even moved on! He's dead Cloud, that man is dead!" She was border-line shouting at me and somehow the kids managed to stay fast asleep in the room next door.

_Did she just say, that it was pathetic? But how can I let go, I loved him so much._

"Don't you dare talk about Zack like he was somebody so insignificant you bitch! He's the only reason you have me right now, you know that? If he didn't make the ultimate sacrifice ShinRa would have ruined this planet, the planet you fought to protect. He did more than you ever could!"

My eyes burned with red hot anger, my clear mako-defiled aqua eyes turning a shade of shadow encased blue. She glared back, not once tearing her brown eye away from my blue ones. Are gazes levelled, she only had a few things to say to me:

"Get out of here Cloud, go play with your dead friend, your _only_ real friend." She whispered to me in probably the most harsh, threatening tone of voice I've ever heard. She must have been really hurt by something to speak such words like that.

"Fine" I muttered under my cracking breath. It was never like Tifa to be so harsh, so hurtful. I slammed the door shut behind me, not caring if it woke up the orphans that lived her under our, no, her care.

I quickly shoved on a white t-shirt and a pair of black skin tight denim jeans on as Tifa called me things that I didn't even have the slightest intention of listening to. She started to throw things at me shouting that she thought I loved her, something which she thought of on her own accord.

I picked up my black turtleneck and put it over my t-shirt, rushing out the room before the picture of me, Tifa, Marlene and Denzel that the angry brunette threw hit my head. As I shut the door I heard that picture impact against the door followed by the rustling of the children in the room adjacent to me.

Banging my feet down the metallic staircase I went straight out the front door, heading straight towards my motorbike. The key that I hanging from my slender neck on a chain that Zack had given me was tore of as I shoved it into the bike, twisting it to start up the roaring of its state of the art engine.

Leaving my home behind and a trail of dust that broke away from the road as Fenrir blitzed past along the tarmac. I knew where I was going to go, I go to that special place which calms my nerves.


	2. Everyone Has A Special Place

**Disclaimer:** Same as the first chapter, I don't want to waste my time repeating it.

Help Me Fly Away

Chapter Two

Heading To That Special Place Of Mine

All these thoughts need to get out of my head. That's why I always drive the longer route down through Midgar, heading up to my special place. You know, clear my head so that I can think straight and take in all that has happened when I calm down.

The city of Midgar looked so desolate in this sector as well as lonely now that in is covered with the early November frost. It somehow manages to cover up and wrap itself round all the structures and ruins. Because of this glimmering glassy frost, the crystal-like snow which continued to fall from the grey, fake sky slid down onto the road thus making the journey even longer.

This is one of the other endless reasons that I hated the so-called 'beautiful' snow.

The roaring sound of Fenrirs engine was almost the only thing I could hear among the abandoned scraps of metal in the Sector number seven. After taking a deep breath, driving down an endless straight road, a snowdrop landed itself on top of my pinkish nose, instantly I had tried to swat it off my skin but fearing I would lose my balance on the bike I left it there to melt away. In the end though, it caused a numb sensation to surface on my nose, which I didn't like at all seeing as it is very distracting.

Everything looked so broken in this sector because of what they'd done, that stupid ShinRa Company and there little lap dogs the Turks. Some of the Turks though they aren't that bad, or so I'd though, at the time when Zack had introduced me to his friend Reno Sinclair I'd immediately though that he wouldn't be that bad of a guy considering he was a Turk. And well, at the time he wasn't that bad of a guy.

A part of me was thankful that he saved me that day, who knows what the other cadets at the time would have done to me...

**xxxxxxxxxx**

_Running through the locker room, breathing heavily, I only hoped that the other cadets weren't still chasing after me. I paused for a brief moment to make sure that I'd lost all of the violent cadets and slumped straight down against a locker closest to the wall. I know that if they found me I'd be completely cornered and beaten mercilessly but in a strange way I felt safer crammed against the dirty blue painted wall._

_Light muttering perked the attention of my ears and I almost let a small yelping sound slip between the trembling pink, cut open lips. Shivering slightly I instinctively curled up into a ball shoving my head straight into my shaky kneecaps._

_I had totally forgotten that today was the day that Luke and his gang of delinquent thugs would beat me into a helpless pulp after our materia fusion class, and as I usually did afterwards I would rush out of the class back to the barracks. This was only because under the supervision of the 3__rd__ Class Sergeant they wouldn't lay a finger on me unless they wanted to be cleaning the latrines until their promotion._

_I never understood why people picked on me of all people, was it because I had a small delicate bodily frame, because I had long blonde hair with baby blue eyes (granted this fact is why I looked like a girl). Or maybe it was the fact that I was the youngest in the selection of cadets since I was fourteen at the time and my fellow un-supporting peers were around their late teens or young adult hood. The light muttering of the sadistic gang of cadets turned into threatening yells:_

_"Come here Blondie, I wanna see that pretty face of yours!"_

_"You can't hide from us you little fuck, were going to find ya eventually so just take it like the man you don't look like."_

_My breath became ragged and I could feel all of the crystal encased tears gather in my blue eyes as their sadistic chuckles filled into the empty locker room. The air around me became denser as one of the cadets found me cradling myself and trying to stop the fear of getting beaten overcome me although it became apparent it was since my frail body refused to stop shaking. This of course made the sick cadet smile and my anguish._

_Don't they just let the nicest people join ShinRa._

_He slowly strolled towards me, taking a twisted pride in the fact that his presence made me shake and breath heavily. "Hey guys I found the little pussy over here in the dark corner where he belongs!" The cadet with his infantry helmet hollered to his gang, delivering an unmerciful kick to my shin. The impact hit me painfully and I let the cry of agony break itself free from my lips which consequently fuelled the boy to do more damage._

"_Oh what have we here huh?" The youngest and most perversely violent boys, Luke, spoke softly yet at the same time eerily as he walked down towards me. "Its little Strifey trying to run away from us like the coward he is, well girly boy we've got a surprise for you today, something you may not... enjoy as much as we will."_

_All four of the cadets circling the corner I had stupidly trapped myself into laughing manically as Luke grabbed a fist full of my golden hair to raise me up. He saw that I was stubbornly looking down at the ground and placed his left hand onto my chin and forced my eyes to meet with his. As he prepared to do the unavoidable to me, he released his grasp of my hair to roughly stroke my tear-stained cheek. All I could do was let the tears fall freely down my face as they laughed at me and called me a loser and a pathetic mess of a cadet._

_Luke slowly slid his hand from my tender cheek and navigated it toward the buckle of my belt._

"_I always knew you were a pretty boy Strife, do you know what happens to pretty boys like you in the army ay?" I shook my head violently, wanting to believe this wasn't going to happen, but the look on his face proved it all. The sick twisted grin of his turning to a blank expression as he was handed a small blade from a tall cadet besides him. He immiedetly switched the position of his hand and small blade; his hand pushing the right side of my face into the locker, exposing my pale neck and the blade dangling between the waist band of my uniform trousers and the leather belt. He began to kiss and lick my neck, gaining the small uneasy chatter between the three cadets who were witnessing what he was doing. He silenced them with a threatening glare before cutting through the leather material of my belt._

_I was trying to resist him with all of the strength I could muster but it just wasn't enough. Squirming under his weight did not help me get free at all; it only made him tighten his grip against my face. "Don't struggle Strife" he threatened, "Nobody wants to help somebody like you anyway."_

_He started to slowly pulled down my trousers, laughing as he saw that I was both scared and completely humiliated by his own actions. He trailed his fingers up my legs, making me thrash underneath his hold, which of course did not go down well with him. His fingers clenched into a fist fast and struck hard against my stomach. The sound of the impact was enough to make me sick, but the strike itself made me cough up splatters of blood which made the insanely violent teenager in front of me feel the need to hit me again for ruining his uniform with my own 'worthless' blood._

_Again the cadets behind Luke murmured nervously about hearing faint footsteps approach them. "Shut it you idiots! Nobody comes around to these lockers after classes you're getting paranoid you twats." His words became uneasy halfway through as his ears also picked up the small sound of slick black shoes walking passed the cracked tiled wall and through the grey door into the locker room. My eyes widened in both relief and embarrassment as the wild fiery haired man in a scruffy black suit strolled through the changing room door._

"_What the fuck is going on, yo! Get off of Strife NOW!" Reno bellowed at the mortified cadet whilst the others had dashed towards the exit besides them. Reno managed to grab one of the escaping cadets by his pale neck and slammed him to the floor (rendering him incapacitated for a while) before pulling Luke away from me as he violently 'pushed' his face into the locker. In my own twisted sense of relief, the noise it made was quite satisfying to hear. _

"_Come on Kid, Lieutenant Fair's getting worried you know." Just like that I had followed him as he stepped out of the old broken down changing rooms. The cadet was still out cold but Reno said he'd get someone to deal with him later and that was the last I ever saw of him. I hurried in front of him when we where nearby Zack's place so I could ask him a quick question._

"_Does Zack ever speak about me?" I asked, the redness that surfaced on my cheeks spreading wide across my face as Reno looked at me with one of Zack's trademark puppy grins._

"_All the time, now let's not keep ol' lover boy waiting shall we? He's already nervous enough as it is without you making 'im freak out like you have."_

_**xxxxxxxxxx**_

Here I am, finally. The air is thick with the smell of dust, sand and the fumes from the city that I am overlooking with harsh deepened blue eyes. The cracks on the ground separate the dirt from a previous battle a while ago. Although the markings are still there even if people can't see them, I can. I can see him still, laying on the ground bloodstained skin and bruised and broken figure writhing on the floor before getting back up only to be knocked down again.

A sudden anger overcame me suddenly, it may seem petty but this matters to me. Zack's sword, his rusty tarnish buster blade lay flat on the ground rather than stood up slotted into its rightful place as his grave marker, a hero's grave marker.

Letting Fenrir slam to the floor I ran to his sword, quickly pushing it back into the ground before hugging it tightly letting the iron that was cold from the harsh breeze freeze my face. "I'm so sorry..." I whispered to the object I was cradling like a newborn child that needed care.

I let my forehead rest against the rusty metal of the blade, closing my eyes, I thought who could of done such a thing as defile a hero's grave. Never again I thought. I would never let this happen again. "Never again... If you're watching me from the heavens Zack, I promise it's not going to happen again, I'm so sorry." That was all I could say at the time.

What if he was watching me? What would he think? Would he be proud of the fact I put Sephiroth to rest and that vile Professor Hojo that pushed him over the edge or would he love the fact I still held onto my remaining memories of him. Or would he be... ashamed... that I've neglect many of my friends because of all the grief and heartbreak the loss of his short lived albeit happy life (until the end of course).

As I stayed there curled up in the shadow of his sword my mobile phone rang uncontrollably. Every second that passed didn't hold anything close to the silence that I craved. Tifa had rang god knows how many times, the voice messages she left on my phone showing that she was sorry that she snapped at me but got progressively harsh because I wouldn't picked up. She knew I never picked up my phone, why does she have to be so awkward all of the time.

Besides from Tifa, I had other calls to return as well. There were a few customers that I needed to attend to or speak with for work related reasons, so I'd probably leave those calls until last. Cid had also rang me, something along the lines of catching a beer together at his new girlfriends folks bar, in all honesty It felt like something I could use but as always I'm probably going to say I'm busy with work. Lastly, just when I thought it was finally over, I heard the voice of a red headed egomaniacal Turk blare through the phone that I'd chucked on the ground of frustration.

"_Yo Cloudy boy, why don't ya ever answer you god damn fuckin' phone for once in your life, geez man you know how irritating it is to hear for the thousandth time a shitty little computer generated fake voice saying that you're not available? Listen let's talk serious for a moment yo, the presidents got something in his possession that might peak your curiosity, in fact I know it will, so ya better have your scrawny little ass over at the Healen Lodge at noon tomorrow. It's the place nearby Kalm and that ol' chocobo farm 'kay?"_

The phone beeped for the final time; thankfully this noted that Reno's message was the final one I had to listen to. In my opinion, it was a fairly strange message for him, he actually sounded serious for once and anybody could see that he naturally wasn't a serious person. He was more like the kinnda person who would rather send text messages his friends instead of carrying out his highly important assignment. It was just in his nature, his extremely childish, immature nature.

Another few minutes passed before everything went eerily quiet, normally the howls of the nearby wolves can be heard or the hastily smooth sound of the wind flowing through the valley. But there wasn't anything, not a single sound could be heard. That's when it started, that's when the voice talked to me.

_Now now Cloud cheer up a bit alright? He probably got some good news; I know you think otherwise though. You can't hide from me Cloud, I know everything. Now pick up my buster blade for me and carry it with you always. It was nice to have someone place a grave marker for poor old me, but we'll make another one when we get the time to too but for now, I'm sure you should go and see Reno Rude and Rufus. _

This voice, it sounds familiar, way too familiar for my liking.

_Just do me one favour Cloud, please don't trust them too much..._

I won't, I promise.

_And don't get into too much trouble on the way there Blondie._

"Zack, is that you?" I cried out to him, out stretching my arms out towards the grey sky, frantically stretching to reach for his hands. I yell out for him more and more and I still didn't get an answer for him. Slumping onto the ground, coating my knees which hit the floor with dust and dirt, I forced my arms upward. I wanted to find him, I wanted to see him again. But something did happen, something that made me undoubtedly know he was looking out for me.

There in my gloved hands was a pure white feather with a distinct angelic appearance resting softly in the palms of my leather coated hands. After quickly scanning the sky surrounding me, it became apparent that it didn't come for a wing of a bird because there was no a single one I could see. It came from the life stream, from the heavens, from his very own spirit and everlasting soul.

"Don't worry Zack, I just need a bit of rest first, that's all."

**A/N:** Well, It's been a while hasn't it? Trust me I'm ever so sorry I haven't updated in a while its been a busy few weeks so far. But I plan to post the next chapter soon as an apology to all those who've had to wait so long. Oh and one last thing, please **please** review and give feed back, I do send messages to those who don't so don't think I wont bother to because I will and in fact, I have XD please read, rate and review. Much love for those who do, and the first three people to review get a sneak peek at the third chapter, sound fair? Hope it does Bye x


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